Things you can’t do with an accordion
White, Nerdy and Awesome.
Look cool
Pick up chicks
Conduct physics experiments
Teach a dog to fetch
Play Highway to Hell by AC/DC without sounding like you hate AC/DC
Play music
Tyson Adams
Putting the 'ill' back in thriller
Archive for the tag “Music”
The evolution of concerts
Last night I went to see the best band to come out of Canada: The Tea Party. They rocked!
I’ve been a fan since about 1994 and have seen them just about every time they have toured Australia, even managed to see Jeff Martin’s solo concerts on several occasions. Perth is like a second home to The Tea Party, Jeff Martin’s son was actually born in Perth. Jeff, Jeff and Stuart are a great example of what three fantastic musicians can achieve. Did I mention that they rock?
But something was driven home to me last night. When I started going to concerts it was all about seeing the band live. Then digital cameras came in and the response was to confiscate them before you were allowed into the venue. Now it seems that you don’t come to see a band play live, you come to film the concert on your smartphone to upload onto YouTube. Call me a purist but crappy video, and even worse sound recordings, is just not as fun as rocking out to one of your favourite bands (or artists).
12 Extremely Disappointing Facts About Popular Music
I had to share this list with everyone, mainly because it says a lot about quality being arbitrary.
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1. Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix
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2. Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10
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3. Ke$ha’s “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single
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4. Flo Rida’s “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles’ “Hey Jude”
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5. The Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song
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6. Celine Dion’s “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record
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7. Same with Shania Twain’s “Come On Over”
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8. Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album
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9. Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined
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10. People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus’ album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album
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11. The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles
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12. This guy exists.
That is all.
I Don’t Care For Cold Chisel
Sometimes I’ll be watching the news or listening to the radio and I will be reminded that I am on the fringe of society. It isn’t just the education, nor the largish brain, nor my desire to have standards, no it is the fact that apparently I’m un-Australian. You see, I don’t like Cold Chisel. To dislike Cold Chisel is un-Australian.
As a result I feel a little like Peter Griffin does about The Godfather.
Australians like to heap superlatives upon Cold Chisel and other “hard rock” bands. They like to hear them on the radio because it reminds them of the time they got drunk in that pub before drinking became illegal. Sorry, not illegal, the driving home afterwards part was what became illegal. Cold Chisel have come out of retirement to tour again, something that made all of the news channels. Why? It is a chance for Aussies to get in touch with their inner bogan.
For non-Aussies, a bogan is what you get when you cross flannelette shirts with mullets and cigarettes. Deep down there is a bogan inside every Australian just trying to get out.
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| Bogan |
My inner bogan allows me to wear tracksuit pants around the house and feel unashamed to listen to AC/DC whilst playing air-guitar. Fortunately my inner bogan stops short of Cold Chisel fandom. That’s right, my inner bogan has class.
We have different terms for bogans all over the world: white trash, redneck, guido, hoser, skid, chav, ned, jejemon, scanger, ah beng, raggare, naco, dres, Paris Hilton; but we recognise the traits. Suffice to say, we all need to keep our inner bogan in check. If we don’t then the terrorists have won.
How to interpret online music reviews
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One of the coolest things about the interwebz is the ability to find TV shows, movies, books/authors, bands/music, or people to argue with. I live a few hundred kilometres from the most isolated city in the world, which means that there isn’t a cinema, there aren’t many international touring acts that come through town, and author book signings are somewhat rare. Since Al Gore invented the internet we are all able to be connected and find things we like through the magic that is The Internet.
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| “This, Jen, is the internet.” |
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Of course with an abundance of new stuff comes an abundance of indecision’s. How do you tell which books are worth reading, which movies are worth watching and which bands are worth listening too? The obvious answer would be to consult reviews.
Music reviews are often troubling, they use industry jargon that not everyone understands, especially not the people using the jargon. So I have quickly summarised the commonly used phrases and interpreted them.
Solid album: every song sounds the same.
Standout tracks: the only decent songs.
The album grows on you: hated this album the first time I listened to it and after having to listen to it several times to complete the review have found I can tolerate it.
Intricate melodies: pretentious wank.
Outstanding musicianship: lots of solos.
Impressive guitar work: endless guitar masturbation.
Concept album: lots of pretentious filler.
Soulful lyrics: girlfriend/boyfriend just left the singer.
Soulful melodies: all band members/artist depressed.
Heartfelt emotion: band members/artist suicidal.
Best album of the year: only new album I have.
The best release from this artist/band: it’s about time they put out something decent.
Epic: too long.
Pop sensibilities: commercial radio fodder.
Proponents of (insert name) style: I hate this sort of music.
Founders of (insert name) style: the guys that everyone else copied.
Challenging: annoying.
Diverse styles/sounds: imitates everything popular at the moment.
Critically acclaimed: only pretentious and annoying people will like it.
Commercially successful: listen to it on the radio instead.
Uplifting: saccharine.
Back with a vengeance: last album was terrible.
Offers up some great tracks: band/artist only wrote one song then packed in filler.
Career defining: surprisingly good album.
On heavy rotation: has a huge marketing budget to waste.
Staple of radio playlists: inoffensive.
Politically charged lyrics: think they are better than everyone else.
Confrontational: annoying.
Distinguishes itself: will fade into obscurity in a month.
Stamped their mark: all the vapid DJ’s like it.
Most important album/artist of the year: utter crap that is inexplicably selling well.
Taken (insert country) by storm: some DJ overseas thinks that it’s good.
Radio friendly: bland.
Hope that clears things up a bit. At some future date I will attempt to cover the common book review jargon.
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Goodreads
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Posts
12 Extremely Disappointing Facts About Popular Music
I had to share this list with everyone, mainly because it says a lot about quality being arbitrary.
1. Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix
2. Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10
3. Ke$ha’s “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single
4. Flo Rida’s “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles’ “Hey Jude”
5. The Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song
6. Celine Dion’s “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record
7. Same with Shania Twain’s “Come On Over”
8. Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album
9. Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined
10. People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus’ album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album
11. The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles
12. This guy exists.
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