Things you only do when drunk

I’ve always been amazed at what a few quiet drinks at your local allows you to do. Alcohol imbues superpowers to all those who consume. Some of those powers are amazing, others are powers we’re glad we forget about the next day.

Play pool, snooker, or billiards
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Eat a kebab
Kebab

Find a kebab store
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Listen to the greatest hits of the 80s
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Go to a nightclub
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Queue for a nightclub
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Dance
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Sing Karaoke

Not drop dead instantly from embarrassment from being at a Nickelback concert
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New Sobriety Tests

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Walk in a crooked line
Let’s face it, walking in a straight line is something people now practice. Make the line crooked and you’ll quickly have people staggering like drunken zombies, regardless of the number of drinks they’ve had.

Not buy a kebab
Somewhere between the pub and home there is always a kebab store. If someone can walk past it and not buy a kebab, then they are sober.

Discuss politics without yelling
Although this may just mean the person yelling is a politician. Either way, just lock them up to be on the safe side.

Not heckle a comedian
Unless they are on this list, in which case don’t stop at heckling, molotov invented a drink that needs to be served to them.

Check that they don’t use the phrase “I’m not drunk.”
May be combined with the phrases “I’ve only had one/couple of drinks” or “Just a wine with dinner.”

Refuse to sing karaoke
Much like the kebab, there is no way a drunk person can refrain from busting out a classic tune in all its warbling, tone deaf, shouted glory.

Things you can only do whilst drunk

We’ve just come out of the drinking season and it is time to reminisce about what a great time we had and how we wish we weren’t back at work. It has always amazed me that there are certain things we only do when we are drunk. Obviously a little social lubricant and we suddenly feel we can do things we wouldn’t normally even contemplate. But what about those activities that only seem to be possible when drunk? This isn’t just about suddenly having courage or a lack of appreciation for the consequences, the following list are special talents that are revealed only with copious amounts of alcohol.

Play pool, snooker or billiards.

Eat a kebab.

Find a kebab store.

Listen to the greatest hits of the 80s.

Go to a nightclub.

Queue for a nightclub.

Dance.

Yes, that is Han Solo drunk dancing.

Sing Karaoke.

Not drop dead instantly from embarrassment from being at a Nickleback concert.