Yeah, it has done the rounds, but this picture really does sum up a few of the conversations I’ve had lately.
I am waging a war against poor grammar and spelling. Please tell me I’m not alone. Not in a metaphysical, mystical, praise be to his noodliness kind of ‘not alone’, but the ‘you too support that idea’ kind of way.
Whether it be the borderline illiterate retired football player who is now a TV personality, the weather girl whose qualifications in meteorology are limited to blowing hot air, or the poster on any internet site you frequent, we seem to be surrounded by lazy or solecistic. Now I’m aware that language evolves over time. If you have read Robinson Crusoe, published in 1719, you will have noticed how boring labourous it is to read. Compare this to modern authors, not one would ever use such a long title: The Life and Strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, of York, Mariner: Who lived Eight and Twenty Years, all alone in an un‐inhabited Island on the Coast of America, near the Mouth of the Great River of Oroonoque; Having been cast on Shore by Shipwreck, wherein all the Men perished but himself. With An Account how he was at last as strangely deliver’d by Pirates. So the English language is bound to evolve, become more concise, more relevant to the people who use it.
But I think there is a difference between evolving and those who butcher the language. I don’t think it is ‘cool’ to use poor diction such as “I is” nor make the constant newsreader error of interchangeably using were and was. This is just lazy and shows that rather than communicate clearly, the culprit is more concerned about being heard.
Rebel I say. Fight the war. Death to the deliberately illiterate.
I look forward to having this post edited for hypocrisy.
I really do wonder about my fellow humans sometimes.
Let’s hope this was just a troll.
Some things give me paws. Their are bad examples of gammar and spelling everywhere these days. So it is time to join the fight to stop it getting badderer.
Like Grammarly on Facebook to have a laugh at the butchering of our language.
I was having a chat with a friend the other night and came to a startling realisation: I’m mid-thirties. During our chat he mentioned that he had hit the gym again after a recent breakup.
Wait, what?
That’s right. It is a growing phenomenon that men now feel the need to hit the gym after a relationship breakup. It used to be that upon breaking up, the men would buy a bigger TV, a games console, and move the couch in front of the TV. Women, on the other hand, would go out and have a make over, waxing, tweezing and go all Felicity with their hair.
Oh how the tables have turned. Now men have image issues as well. Woman wanted equality, well, they just got it.*
*Except for all of those other points of equality, like equal pay.
You may all think that I’m primarily a crime thriller kinda guy, a lot of the book reviews I post here are for crime, crime thrillers and thrillers. My current work in progress is also a crime thriller. So I clearly fit into a very neat little box created out of stacks of James Patterson releases for the month. But I like a lot of genres, I think most readers do, in fact I’d go as far as to say that all readers read more than one genre unless they are still battling with Where’s Waldo.
Needless to say, despite my current work – and several others in the pipeline – being crime thrillers, I have several outlines for stories in other genres. One of my first big ideas – quite literally, as I have a 50 page synopsis and several instalments plotted – was for a sci-fi story. Think Jack Reacher crossed with Jet Li (Did you know Jet Li is a real life hero?) inspired by Heinlein. Anyway, the main character, Caleb, is the last of his kind and is trying to save humans from themselves, whether that be leading a civil war, or deposing dictators at the various human colonies. Of course there have to be aliens in space.
The problem I’ve always had with aliens in books and movies is that they are too much like us. On Star Trek they could even pass for us, as long as they wore a headband.
But it isn’t just that they look so much like us, why would aliens even think of us as awesome? Would humans be actually interesting to aliens? If aliens are watching our broadcasts you could just about guarantee that they don’t consider any of the life on this planet intelligent.
Alien: So you consider your race intelligent?
Human: Why yes.
Alien: Explain Glenn Beck.
Human: Okay, some of us aren’t as…
Alien: And you dig up stored gases to change your atmosphere so that it wrecks your climate.
Human: But we needed fuel for power. We’ve got solutions to that now.
Alien: One word: Politicians.
Human: Please don’t wipe out our planet!
So in my alien research for my novel/s I finally found inspiration. Who better to inspire me than Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins?*
See the rest of the discussion between Dawkins and DeGrasse here.
*Yes Carl Sagan would be inspirational too, but he isn’t in the video.
Lee Goldberg posted this cartoon on Facebook today; I just had to share it.
Also, if you haven’t read the glorious McGrave, read my review and go buy the book.
Have you ever noticed some blatant failings in your thriller characters? Have you ever noticed some handy skills that most people don’t have pop up in your thriller characters? I have compiled a short list, does anyone have additions?
Shoot first
Don’t hesitate, pull that trigger. Bad guys won’t hesitate, so don’t let them get the first shot in.
Carry spare ammunition
You don’t want to run out at the wrong time.
Make sure they’re dead
If they are just wounded they are going to come looking to hurt you.
Keep fit
You are going to spend a lot of time running away from people trying to hurt you.
Be really strong
Have to look good with your shirt off (men) or sexy in skimpy clothes (women). As a bonus you’ll also be able to throw enemies around like rag dolls and other impressive feats of strength.
Make sure you know a hacker, ex-military people, ex-intelligence people and someone reliable in the media
Can’t be taking on the bad-guys all by yourself.
Women need to learn to run in high heels
Preferably without breaking your ankles or neck.
Make sure your family and friends are actually hidden away safely
This means that no-one else knows where they are. It also means that your loved ones don’t just call someone from the hiding place or pop out to grab their favourite meal.
Assume anyone in a business suit is evil
Self explanatory.
Assume anyone with a shaved head is evil
Ditto, unless they are Bruce Willis.
Be prepared for trouble
All of those hours spent practising martial arts and marksmanship will have paid off. Don’t forget to be able to do all those cool car driving stunts.
Learn how to throw a knife
Any knife, at any distance, with lightning reflexes. Anything less and you may not survive.
And of course, you must always remember to not look at explosions.
Apologies for not having written anything much here in the past few weeks. I’m on holidays and finishing my draft of Overturned Stones. Also hope to make inroads into a rewrite and tidy up some chapters to start submissions.
Have I mentioned I love Inky Girl?
Tyson Adams 