I’ve spent years learning to be a scientist. During that time I picked up a bit of genetics. But still:
Assassin by Tara Moss
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Trying to read with a newborn in your arms is tricky. You try to get them to sleep and then realise you haven’t been reading all of that time. You try to feed them and realise that Zaphoid was right, a third arm does come in handy. This all adds up to making it hard to enjoy a good book.
The fact that I did enjoy this book shows just how good it was, because my reading has been very interrupted. Mak is back in what appears to be the finale in the Vanderwall series. Since the last book, Mak has been hiding out in Spain, but it isn’t long before assassins get wind of her location and she is headed back to Australia.
If this is the end of the series (I’m going by the novel, I haven’t heard Tara mention anything on this) then I think it ended appropriately. Some authors, TV shows and musicians drag out a series for too long. Tara has avoided that nicely. Now the only question is, will she continue in the crime genre, or will her paranormal novels be the focus now?
NB: This was a signed copy. Book fans may appreciate that detail.
NaNoWriMo starts again for another year tomorrow (the day after for everyone living in the past – being an Aussie is great). Good luck to everyone going crazy trying to write 1666 words per day.
Unfortunately I won’t be able to join the November madness. I really enjoyed last year, especially the part where I actually managed to write 52,000 words in a month. This year I have a 6 week old poop machine to look after. Have fun everyone!
At the moment I have three projects on the go. The first is the rewrites of my first novel, which I’m hoping to finish and try to find a publisher for sometime after Xmas. The second project is a sequel to the first novel. I never intended to make a series, but during the writing of the first novel I had several ideas that just needed to be written as well. The third project is a different tale entirely, not least of which is my choice of third person narrative, unlike the predominantly first person narrative of the other two. For a synopsis of my works in progress, click here.
Being a new dad is great, but you really do have to be prepared for the life changing nature of parenting. Take the test to see if you are ready.
Test 1: Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After nine months, remove 5 per cent of the beans.
Men: To prepare for children
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
Test 2: Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it; this will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test 3: Nights
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4-6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
*Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.
Test 4: Dressing small children
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.
*Time Allowed: 5 minutes
Test 5: Cars
1. Forget the BMW; buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6: Going for a walk
1. Wait.
2. Go out the front door.
3. Come back in again.
4. Go out.
5. Come back in again.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least six questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
*You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test 7: Conversations with children
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test 8: Grocery shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a preschool child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
*Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Test 9: Feeding a 1-year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
Test 10: Entertainment
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
Test 11: Mess
Can you stand the mess children make?
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag random items from one room to another room and leave them there.
Test 12: Long trips with toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. Important notes: no more than a 4-second delay between each ‘Mummy’. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
*You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test 13: Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the ‘Mummy tape’ listed above.
*You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Test 14: Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put one cup of lemon juice in it.
4. Stir.
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt.
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture.
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel.
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work.
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!
Original article published at Essential Baby, October 18, 2012.
Literature that is very old has a slight problem. When they were written the authors didn’t have the advantage of our modern knowledge, they didn’t have scientific discoveries, science journals, the internet, massive libraries, etc. The advances that human knowledge has made in the last 150 years is astounding.
But does that mean we should rewrite the classics? Sometimes it is beneficial to leave texts just the way they were written, as it gives us an insight into the period in which they were written. A great example is Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, people want to edit out the racist references, yet that would remove part of the context for the struggle Jim goes through in the story. But in other cases you are merely perpetuating factual inaccuracies by teaching and reading kids some classics. As a result it is sometimes important to rewrite these texts to display our updated understandings of the world.
Damn. How can a thriller or crime writer make a crust if violence is declining?
I know that we writers are generally known for writing fiction, but we readers – yes, I’m both – are also a fickle bunch who like things to have a level of realism to them. We need there to be a basis for our stories so that you can become more emotionally involved with the protagonists. If violence keeps declining then thriller and crime authors are going to have to look to the sensationalism of media reporting for story ideas. I think we can all agree that you can’t base fiction upon fiction.
Fallen by Karin Slaughter
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Unbelievably this is the first Karin Slaughter novel I have read. I have read one of her short stories before, which made me pick up this novel, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know that Slaughter had the goods in crime thrillers.
I quite enjoyed the slightly different take that Karin has on the crime thriller. Front and centre are a mix of slightly dysfunctional characters that somehow manage to not only work with one another, but are actually interesting to read about. You know how crime novels often have that self-loathing, alcoholic, dark and depressing lead character? Well this novel doesn’t have that – thank his noodliness.
You can see why Karin is a bestselling author, so the only question is which of her novels I’ll read next.
Temple Of The Gods by Andy McDermott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Ridiculously fast paced action, check. Plot that squirms and worms its way along as fast as the action, check. Nina and Eddie blowing up everything they come across, check. Must be another adventure by Andy McDermott.
In my book Andy McDermott and Matthew Reilly are the kings of fast paced action novels. There is no stone left unthrown, no ancient monument left intact, no bad guys die peacefully: brilliant! Of course this style of novel is not for everyone, especially if you have a pacemaker or take beta-blockers. Some people like to read literature, so there is no accounting for taste.
I have unfortunately missed the previous installment in the series, Empire of Gold, jumping straight from The Sacred Vault. This didn’t affect my enjoyment, but there is reference to past adventures throughout in the plot, so it is best to read the series in order. The cadre of evil billionaires are back again, something the world never seems to run out of for some reason, causing more trouble in their quest to dominate. If you take a close look you will recognise who the people are based upon, Gina Rhinehart and the Koch brothers being alluded to as evil: who’d have thunk?
I appreciate all of my friends/readers here, especially those who take the time to comment. My site statistics tell me that I average roughly 2 comments per post, which is a 4% conversation rate. My own posting on other’s blogs wouldn’t be that high, so I’m fine with that figure, I’m just happy people enjoy my posts.
The point of this post is to highlight my own experiences with some of the more interesting comments this blog receives. The site statistics tell me that I average roughly 640 spam comments per month. PER MONTH! Obviously some of those spam comments may be legitimate comments, if you have fallen prey of my spam filter please email me, but most are rubbish promoting some shoe-viagra-porn-dating-retail site or other. The ones that quote Bible and Quran verses are interesting, but this recent response to my review of Lee Child’s latest novel blew me away.
Lee Child
Dear Sir,
I just finished reading your latest novel, A Wanted Man. Congratulations. Yet another excellent work.
I thought you might find it interesting regarding why I like your stories. These are the reasons:
• I never find a word I do not know the meaning of, and is not part of ordinary speech.
• The story takes place in normal time sequence. No flashbacks.
• A single central character carries the action from the first to the last page.
• I find not one sentence, which is not designed to help tell the story. You never stray.
• I find no forced metaphors that I have to puzzle over to discover their meaning.
• I find no literary actions-verbs that may sound pretty or poetic but make no literal sense.
• None of the characters are wooden.
• All your stories are unique.
• I find no explicit sex included because you can’t think of what should happen next.
• The number of characters is limited.
Keep up the good work.
Jim Cunnungham
Now I am very much a fan of Lee Child’s writing, I have most of his novels on my shelves. I am also working on becoming a published author of crime thrillers, but I don’t think I could be mistaken with Lee Child. For one, I’m not as tall as Lee, he is quite a bit older and he’s English. So addressing this comment to Lee on my blog seems rather random.
After congratulating not-me on a great novel, Jim proceeds to list the things he likes about not-me’s writing. Jim likes not having to use a dictionary, or reading internet addresses or review author names. Jim also doesn’t like flashbacks and appreciates having a single character to follow, clearly much less complicated than having to think whilst reading. I agree with Jim that Lee doesn’t delve into the literary realms with his prose, keeping the story and writing tight. It makes for a much more interesting read; there is nothing worse than wasting your valuable reading time with random stuff that has nothing to do with what you actually want to read. Jim also appreciates the building materials used in creating characters, something I don’t normally consider, but I do like to read things that are unique and stand out. However, I wonder what Jim has against sex scenes, maybe he has been scarred by Fifty Shades of Hype and is just thankful that Reacher doesn’t whip out the ball gag and leather chaps. I’m also guessing that Jim is not a fan of the epic fantasy novels, what with their ensemble of characters, sweeping dynasties of timelines, and elegant prose to describe the entire new world the story takes place in.
All in all, I can’t figure out why this post was flagged as spam.
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Everything looks comfortable.
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Have day dreams about getting a good nights sleep.
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Make a list of everything you need to buy when shopping, forget to take list with you.
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You know that coffee shares are a good investment.
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Of course I know what day it is, just let me check my watch again.
Yesterday I knew that I would forget some things when I went shopping, so I purposely made a list. It was a great list that did a great job keeping dust from settling on the table during my absence. There is also nothing quite so disturbing as not knowing what day of the week it is, especially when you have literally just checked. New parents of the world, I salute you.
A Wanted Man by Lee Child
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book arrived on my doorstep from the lovely people at Booktopia, just in time for me to read over the weekend. Unfortunately last weekend also coincided with the arrival of my son, damn stork was early, so my reading was interrupted. Normally a Reacher adventure can’t be put down, but my new bub showed that sometimes you have to.
Reviewing Lee’s new novel is hard, my interrupted reading, sleep deprivation and cuddle time has clouded my impression of the book. Reacher still kicked arse, the story was decent and Lee’s characteristic tight plotting was on display.
I’m only giving this 4 stars for now, with the intention of re-reading it sometime after I’ve had a decent nights sleep.
That’s right, my son decided to schedule himself in over the weekend. James decided to arrive early but did so once we were both close to the hospital, didn’t have anything important on, and came out nice and quickly.
I’ll try to keep my regular posts going, but I can’t promise anything.
Tyson Adams 