Tyson Adams

Things you can only do whilst drunk

We’ve just come out of the drinking season and it is time to reminisce about what a great time we had and how we wish we weren’t back at work. It has always amazed me that there are certain things we only do when we are drunk. Obviously a little social lubricant and we suddenly feel we can do things we wouldn’t normally even contemplate. But what about those activities that only seem to be possible when drunk? This isn’t just about suddenly having courage or a lack of appreciation for the consequences, the following list are special talents that are revealed only with copious amounts of alcohol.

Play pool, snooker or billiards.

Eat a kebab.

Find a kebab store.

Listen to the greatest hits of the 80s.

Go to a nightclub.

Queue for a nightclub.

Dance.

Sing Karaoke.

Not drop dead instantly from embarrassment from being at a Nickleback concert.

Fun Articles, Humor

Five great ways to ruin an evening out

Start a conversation with a 9/11 conspiracy nut.
Doesn’t matter what conversation you start with them, they will eventually raise the topic in order to spew their wacky world view at you. Try not to raise actual science or evidence with them, as they believe rust is thermite residue, and that thermite could have cut steel girders.

Discuss your children’s health and getting them vaccinated.
Without fail, someone will be an anti-medicine kook who will then call you a child abuser for vaccinating. Don’t worry, they’ll get polio and whooping cough, the universe likes irony.

Take your teething baby with you.
Especially to a cinema or restaurant.

Invite work colleagues for drinks, people whom you can’t stand to be around, and then get drunk.
Fun times will ensue as you tell your colleagues exactly what you think of them. It will be even better on the following Monday when you see them again.

Take a date to see a Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler movie.
Any chance you had of having another date with this person just evaporated as they realise that you have dragged them to see another in the long line of abysmal films starring Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler (except Dodgeball, which was hilarious).

Humor, Pics

My thanks to The Doctor!

Uncategorized

Merry whatever and a happy continuation of our celestial orbit

We are closing in on the end of the calendar year and on the annual spend fest that is the pagan tradition rebadged for ~~consumerists~~ Christians. I’ve enjoyed 2012 and I thank my readers here for stopping by and joining me throughout the year. Whatever your religion, culture or creed, I hope that you have a good holiday and festive season and I hope that 2013 actually arrives. If 2013 does arrive, I hope that you were able to get lots of good stuff off of the people who swore the world would end on the 21st of December, and that the new year brings you joy and happiness or at least a pay rise.

Book review, Reading

Book Review: Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth

Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Every time I walk past a book store I just have to take a wander through and see what is on the shelf. The last time I saw two books that caught my eye, Luther: The Calling and Red White and Blood. I’d never heard of the latter, never heard of the author, Christopher Farnsworth, and this was the most recent in a three book series.

Sadly I’ve been burnt before, so I only walked out of the store with Luther. No matter how interesting this book looked, it was about vampires, politics and secrets, this could have been Twilight in the Whitehouse for all I knew. So instead I contacted my trusty local librarian and asked if they had any of the books on the shelves, they had all three. I’m glad they had them all.

Chris’s writing is witty, fast paced and well crafted. Essentially he has written a supernatural thriller in direct opposition to the sparkly lameness that has infected the supernatural genre. Despite the themes, the line isn’t crossed into horror territory, remaining firmly enjoyable to thriller fans who don’t like the gore aspect.

In short, I won’t be getting to Luther: The Calling, until after I finish all three of Chris’ Nathaniel Cade novels.

View all my reviews

Fun Articles, Humor, Writing

Ten Indisputable Signs That You’re a Writer

Think you might be a writer but aren’t 150% sure? Here are ten signs that you may very well have a budding writer inside you.

You constantly edit. Whether it’s while you’re driving down the street and pass a misspelled sign, or grammatical errors in Facebook posts, you fix errors constantly in your mind—and sometimes not so silently.
You’re highly observant. And not only do you notice things all the time, but you file them away in your I could write about this later folder.
You often ask, “How could I describe this?” You don’t ignore your life experiences—everything from walking outside during a torrential downpour, to burning yourself while cooking, to taking the first bite of a piping-hot homemade chocolate chip cookie can be used in your writing, and you often pause to think about how you would describe it in words.
You have a hyperactive imagination. There’s never a dull moment in that head of yours—your imagination is always working on overtime to keep you entertained and give you fresh ideas.
You feel inspired to write after reading a good book. Enough said.
You often daydream about your Work In Progress. Your characters never completely leave you— they walk alongside you throughout the day and give you new ideas when you least expect it.
You feel guilty if you haven’t written anything in a while. What a “while” is depends, but after a writing hiatus, a part of you begins to demand that you get back to the keyboard and reprimands you if you don’t.
Grammar jokes are funny. Well, they are.
You can’t get enough books. After all, every new book is a couple of hours worth of inspiration.
You keep doing this writing thing. It doesn’t matter if you’re not published, if no one else cares if you continue to write, if you don’t make a penny off of the words that you put on the page—none of that matters, because you’ll continue to write anyway.

Reblogged from: Ten Indisputable Signs That You’re a Writer.

Book review

Book Review: Ice Force by Matt Lynn

Ice Force by Matt Lynn
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Don’t you hate it when you can’t look past a minor flaw? It’s like Tom Cruise with Scientology, Jim Carey dating Jenny McCarthy, Liam Neeson appearing in that woeful Star Wars film and babies with their lack of personal hygiene. If it wasn’t for these minor flaws you could really enjoy what is before you, especially if you didn’t get sick of Jim Carey years ago.

There is a lot to like about Matt Lynn’s Ice Force, especially if you like the “real operation” styled thrillers that Chris Ryan and Andy McNab write. Matt differs from the others in this style with his humorous banter between the characters, something I really like to see in novels, something I am trying to do with my own writing. So what is it that I’m hung up on? The misogyny.

Now, I’m not saying that this book and the writer are misogynistic, rather I’m saying that there is a tone stated by some of the characters that women aren’t good at soldiering, that they distract men from the soldiering and that they are generally just eye candy. This is typical bloke-y fare that you get with the military and men talking at the pub who hate to admit that they are not in charge in their relationship. It may be “real” but I really don’t like reading it.

It reminds me of a cartoon:

So, this was a great thriller, but points off for marginalising women.

View all my reviews

Reading, Writing

E-book statistics for 2012

I seem to be finding a bunch of cool infographics recently, they are the future of communication (warning, sarcasm may be in affect here). It is always interesting to see what the status of sales, especially e-book sales. Personally, I see the e-book becoming the new paperback within a few years, and I also think that backlists will be all e-books. What will be really interesting is whether authors will be the one controlling their backlists or whether publishing houses will want to grab hold of those. Then it becomes a case of what rates are paid on backlist, because the sunk costs are a frontlist issue, so you would expect a greater author share of sales (although it could be argued that sunk costs are sunk, thus trying to recoup those costs as part of the sale price is bad economics).

Humor, Reading

What is a bookworm?

I’ve never really thought of myself as a bookworm, given the lack of exoskeleton, and my functioning vertebrae and CNS. There is no doubting that my wife and I are readers though, since we average at least a book a week, usually closer to two a week. We’re hoping our son will become a reader as well, but at the moment he is more entertained with pooping his diaper.

Anyway, in my internet trolling this week, I came across this infographic from a survey of a graphic design class. We all know that infographics must be accurate and representative, so let’s see what a Bookworm’s characteristics are.

Book review, Reading

Book Review: Death In The Dark by Emily Kimelman

Death In The Dark by Emily Kimelman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I look forward to a lot of things: my football team winning another premiership, science discovering something cool, sleeping in on the weekend, sleeping in on a weekday, reading a good book. As a reader, I feel I have a responsibility to look forward to the next novel from my favourite authors. Thankfully, my favourite writers have never failed to deliver.

The first Sydney Rye novel was a great mystery from Emily Kimelman. The novel rated as my Awesome Indy book of 2011. Dog walker is not the first occupation you expect from a mystery novel’s protagonist. But since detective or private investigator characters are as stale as last week’s bread that was first frozen, then thawed, then used to mop up spilt beer, it was refreshing for Emily’s protagonist to be a dog walker. Plus, I like dogs.

If you haven’t read the first Sydney Rye novel, you may be confused why Joy Humbolt is calling herself Sydney and living in an RV in this second adventure. I recommend reading the first novel now…. Okay, so now that we are on the same page, I can say that Sydney is evolving. This isn’t just a name change, this is a quest to become something more. Emily manages to even cheekily title one of the chapters “Obligatory Training Montage”.

All this novella has done is left me wanting to read the next edition. Fortunately, Emily has that coming out in January.

View all my reviews

Humor

Decisions for holiday happiness

This lovely infographic will help with this season’s festivities. Ideally you will work through the varying styles of beer to find the right beverage for every meal and occasion. Because if there is one thing about the holiday season that is true everywhere, it is that you don’t want to be sober.

Learn about infographic design.

Book review, Reading

Book Review: First Drop by Zoe Sharp

First Drop by Zoë Sharp
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

As a new dad, there are a few sentiments expressed by Charlie Fox – the hero – about kids that feel spot on. There is nothing more annoying than a baby interrupting you reading a good book, especially during the final 50 pages! The annoying kid Charlie was protecting rang a little too true for me.

Zoe has certainly got all the right thriller ingredients. But she has also managed to mix them together into a great blend that is interesting and exciting. From go to arrhythmia, there is no let up, with Charlie trying to stay alive and figure out who isn’t trying to kill her. If I had one quibble, it was with a chance encounter that was rather important to the plot, I would have preferred it to be done a little different. But then again, I forgive this in Lee Child, Zoe is no less a writer, so it is an easily overlooked point.

If you haven’t read any of the Charlie Fox thrillers, do so soon.

NB: This review was written whilst trying to calm a baby who hadn’t slept all day and was having the grumps.

View all my reviews

Fun Articles, Humor

Babies have it better than adults

Things babies can do that adults can’t:

Poop in their pants.
It could be argued that adults are not obliged to deny their desire to poop their pants, but generally that person will be shunned rather than have gooey faces made at them.

Cry to get attention.
Look at how lame we think Glen Beck is for doing this.

Only do the basics of life: eat, shit, sleep.
Hard to sleep when you are hungry. Hard to shit when you haven’t eaten. Hard to eat without earning money. Hard to earn money if all you do is lie around doing the basics of life.

Urinate on someone and laugh.
Well, I suppose we could do that, but I’m pretty sure that a fight would arise.

Suck on boobies in public.
It really would make for a better society if we could.

Be noisy and disruptive during movies, plane flights, in grocery stores and have people blame your parents.
Why am I the jerk for taking a call during the new James Bond film?

Be showered with gifts for just showing up.
Baby gifts are like the participation award at school, except with cooler prizes.

Humor, Pics, Reading

Thought for the day

Fun Articles, Humor

Reasons why writing is better than a real job

At the end of a day of writing you don’t feel like stabbing yourself in the eye with a pencil.

Writing can be done at any time, rather than nine till five, which is much better suited to sleeping.

Dressing for work is optional. And I mean optional.

Work shoes don’t have to have a safety rating or glossy shine, they only have to be wool lined and comfy.

If you spend all of the money your boss gives you and fail to complete your job on time, nobody is really that surprised.

All of that wasted time on the internet is “research”.

Drinking on the job is mandatory rather than discouraged.

Emailing, Facebooking, tweeting and blogging are important networking, not procrastination.

Shaving is no longer a daily chore, it is a sign you are going out in public for a change.

Work colleagues are people you only see at festivals, or chat to on Facebook when you can’t be bothered working.

Paperwork? What paperwork?

The arrival of the mail is a daily highlight, rather than something you check for as you arrive home.

Humor, Pics

More grammar essentials

Book review, Reading

Book Review: Lockdown by Sean Black

Lockdown by Sean Black

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Sometime last year Matt Hilton recommended a few authors to me, one of them being Sean Black. I dutifully downloaded a sample of Lockdown onto my Kindle, just letting it sit there, doing the electronic equivilent of gathering dust. Actually, in the digital age, I wonder if we will develop so many little phrases like “gathering dust” since the electronic medium has a lack of physical presence to have relatable descriptions assigned.

Over a year later I finally started Sean’s first novel, bought the full Kindle version, and plowed through this fast paced novel. I really enjoyed the brisk narrative and I could see similarities to Matt’s writing, which is probably why he was recommending Sean’s work.

Guess now I have to find more of Sean’s books.

View all my reviews

Humor, Science, Writing

Skill vs. Fame

You can always trust a guy in a lab coat, they know stuff. This relationship of skill required versus fame really does show that I have really decided to limit my levels of fame. Scientists aren’t really cool enough to be famous, authors are similarly nerdy, just better with words. Maybe it is time for scientists and authors to start making sex tapes.

Humor, Writing

John Cleese on Creativity

Like everyone else with a pulse, I’m a Monty Python fan. Whether it be a killer white rabbit or a very naughty boy, there is nothing quite like the laughs that a Python sketch can illicit. I recently found this lecture that John Cleese gave on creativity. It is quite interesting the ground he covers and the conditions that are needed to be cultivated in order to be creative. Hope everyone gets as much out of this as I did.

Book review, Reading

Book review: Blasphemy by Douglas Preston

Blasphemy by Douglas Preston
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Well, the title of the book is spot on.

I’ve been making my way through most of the Preston and Child novels, enjoying each in turn, so I thought it was time to hunt down some of their individual efforts. My local library happened to have Blasphemy on the shelves, which came home with me for a few days.

This is a very well written book. Not only is it intriguing, it weaves in several themes, allegories, allusions and straight up social commentaries. At the same time it is a fast paced thriller. I really enjoyed it.

Of course the title is likely to make some people a little nervous about reading the book. It should be made clear that The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not mentioned, nor is his noodliness likely to be happy with the religious comments – beer and pirates are not mentioned once. No doubt some will be offended, especially if they swear blind that Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins have horns and pitch forks. Everyone else will enjoy this interesting and fast paced novel.

View all my reviews