Category: Fun Articles

My own take on life expressed with as much irreverance as possible.

Fun Articles

The awesome continues

I enjoy blogging. Those little thoughts that pop into my mind find a home here, the funny pictures and interesting tidbits I steal repost join them. Hopefully this entertains you as much as it does me.

Right What You No has run since February last year, and found a new home in February this year on TysonAdams.com. A few hundred posts and a few thousand visitors later, I thought I’d update you on a few stats for the site.

The USA are heading to the Olympics with a solid turn-out on TysonAdams.com, tallying 44% of the readers. My home nation, the Aussies, are next with 15%, with the UK, Canada and India rounding out the top 5. So 75% of the readers come from the top 5 countries, but that last 15% represents such a diverse range of people from around the world, clearly we’re all awesome – especially the 628 followers.

To express this clearly I’ve graphed the level of awesome of TysonAdams.com readers in nano Fonzies. The term nano means billionth, as in a decimal place followed by 9 zeroes. NanoFonzies are a measure of awesome, the number being so small due to the fact that a full Fonzy would actually cause the internet to collapse in on itself from the sheer weight of awesome. You can see in the graph below that over time the level of awesome has increased and reached an all time high in June 2012.

I hope you enjoy TysonAdams.com into the future so that we can continue to share the awesome.

Fun Articles, Reading

Jack Reacher One Shot Movie

Jack Reacher – 1:2 scale

As any Lee Child and Jack Reacher fan knows by now, Tom Cruise is bringing the book One Shot to the big screen. What some may not be aware of is that Hollywood has had a few financial issues of late. They’ve had to scale back productions and advertising. Paramount Pictures didn’t want to cut back on advertising or budget for the Reacher film, so they halved the size of the main character – Jack Reacher 6’5″ 220-250lbs, Tom Cruise 5’7″ 147lbs.

The good news is that Reacher has been bumped up the release schedule and will be coming out in cinemas in December. This should be great for Lee Child fans, especially as A Wanted Man, the new Reacher novel, will have been released a month prior.

Lets hope that they film Cruise from some very low angles, because I want to see Reacher kick some ass!

Fun Articles, Humor

Collective nouns

A harem of guitars

An invisible of ninjas

A dude of potheads

A lie of politicians

A scheme of crime writers

An awesome of TysonAdams.com readers

A crock of shit
– it’s almost lunch time, I’m not putting a picture to this one.

A run dammit of bears

A swim faster of sharks

A tedium of golfers

A fiction of journalists

An ambivalence of decision makers

Fun Articles, Humor

Save our language

Some things give me paws. Their are bad examples of gammar and spelling everywhere these days. So it is time to join the fight to stop it getting badderer.

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Like Grammarly on Facebook to have a laugh at the butchering of our language.

Fun Articles, Humor

Proof of equality

I was having a chat with a friend the other night and came to a startling realisation: I’m mid-thirties. During our chat he mentioned that he had hit the gym again after a recent breakup.

Wait, what?

That’s right. It is a growing phenomenon that men now feel the need to hit the gym after a relationship breakup. It used to be that upon breaking up, the men would buy a bigger TV, a games console, and move the couch in front of the TV. Women, on the other hand, would go out and have a make over, waxing, tweezing and go all Felicity with their hair.

Oh how the tables have turned. Now men have image issues as well. Woman wanted equality, well, they just got it.*

*Except for all of those other points of equality, like equal pay.

Fun Articles, Science, Writing

Intelligent life

You may all think that I’m primarily a crime thriller kinda guy, a lot of the book reviews I post here are for crime, crime thrillers and thrillers. My current work in progress is also a crime thriller. So I clearly fit into a very neat little box created out of stacks of James Patterson releases for the month. But I like a lot of genres, I think most readers do, in fact I’d go as far as to say that all readers read more than one genre unless they are still battling with Where’s Waldo.

Needless to say, despite my current work – and several others in the pipeline – being crime thrillers, I have several outlines for stories in other genres. One of my first big ideas – quite literally, as I have a 50 page synopsis and several instalments plotted – was for a sci-fi story. Think Jack Reacher crossed with Jet Li (Did you know Jet Li is a real life hero?) inspired by Heinlein. Anyway, the main character, Caleb, is the last of his kind and is trying to save humans from themselves, whether that be leading a civil war, or deposing dictators at the various human colonies. Of course there have to be aliens in space.

The problem I’ve always had with aliens in books and movies is that they are too much like us. On Star Trek they could even pass for us, as long as they wore a headband.
But it isn’t just that they look so much like us, why would aliens even think of us as awesome? Would humans be actually interesting to aliens? If aliens are watching our broadcasts you could just about guarantee that they don’t consider any of the life on this planet intelligent.

Alien: So you consider your race intelligent?
Human: Why yes.
Alien: Explain Glenn Beck.
Human: Okay, some of us aren’t as…
Alien: And you dig up stored gases to change your atmosphere so that it wrecks your climate.
Human: But we needed fuel for power. We’ve got solutions to that now.
Alien: One word: Politicians.
Human: Please don’t wipe out our planet!

So in my alien research for my novel/s I finally found inspiration. Who better to inspire me than Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins?*

See the rest of the discussion between Dawkins and DeGrasse here.

*Yes Carl Sagan would be inspirational too, but he isn’t in the video.

Fun Articles, Reading

Getting your terminology right

Sometimes I cringe, sometimes I laugh, because sometimes writers just haven’t done their homework. Speaking as an avid reader (check my Goodreads stats), it often disappoints me when I see mistakes in a book, TV show or movie. In a movie it isn’t really acceptable, they have consultants whose job it is to make sure they don’t mess up. A TV show might have a consultant who will get a call during their lunch break at their real job to confirm details, the consultant isn’t really listening because they know the scene has already been filmed and the writer has just been told to check to get them out of the director’s hair. In the book there is only the author to blame – editors could care less.

Lets not delve into those little facts and descriptions that always garner criticism, lets talk terminology. Is it too much to ask to have writers use the correct terminology for things? Unless your character is meant to be ignorant, a minute on Google (or one of the competitors) should be able to tell you that a passant is the strap on the shoulder of shirts or jackets that epaulettes are attached to and that a chevron is a ‘V’ shaped insignia that is often used to signify rank and may or may not be on the epaulette or the sleeve. This is just to cite one annoying example I have recently run across. Don’t get me started on CSI – the katana is only one of many swords made of folded steel!!

Anyway, I ran across an interesting list that shows how terminology is often misapplied just to cheer everyone up: mostly me.

1. A firefly is not a fly – it is a beetle

2. A prairie dog is not a dog – it is a rodent

Dogs and rodents are slightly different

3. India ink is not from India – it is from China and Egypt

4. A horned toad is not a toad – it is a lizard

5. A lead pencil does not contain lead – it contains graphite

6. A douglas fir is not a fir – it is a pine

7. A silkworm is not a worm – it is a caterpillar

8. A peanut is not a nut – it is a legume

9. A koala bear is not a bear – it is a marsupial

10. An English horn is not English and it isn’t a horn – it is a French alto oboe

11. A guinea pig is not from guinea and it is not a pig – it is a rodent from South America

12. Shortbread is not a bread – it is a thick cookie

13. Dresden China is not from Dresden – it is from Meissen

14. A shooting star is not a star – it is a meteorite

15. A funny bone is not a bone – it is the spot where the ulnar nerve touches the humerus

16. Chop suey is not a native Chinese dish – it was invented by Chinese immigrants in California

17. A bald eagle is not bald – it has flat white feathers on its head and neck when mature, and dark feathers when young

18. A banana tree is not a tree – it is a herb

19. A cucumber is not a vegetable – it is a fruit

20. A jackrabbit is not a rabbit – it is a hare

21. A piece of catgut is not from a cat – it is usually made from sheep intestines

22. A Mexican jumping bean is not a bean – it is a seed with a larva inside

23. A Turkish bath is not Turkish – it is Roman

24. A sweetbread is not a bread – it is the pancreas or thymus gland from a calf or lamb

Fun Articles, Humor

How to survive a thriller

Have you ever noticed some blatant failings in your thriller characters? Have you ever noticed some handy skills that most people don’t have pop up in your thriller characters? I have compiled a short list, does anyone have additions?

Shoot first
Don’t hesitate, pull that trigger. Bad guys won’t hesitate, so don’t let them get the first shot in.

Carry spare ammunition
You don’t want to run out at the wrong time.

Make sure they’re dead
If they are just wounded they are going to come looking to hurt you.

Keep fit
You are going to spend a lot of time running away from people trying to hurt you.

Be really strong
Have to look good with your shirt off (men) or sexy in skimpy clothes (women). As a bonus you’ll also be able to throw enemies around like rag dolls and other impressive feats of strength.

Make sure you know a hacker, ex-military people, ex-intelligence people and someone reliable in the media
Can’t be taking on the bad-guys all by yourself.

Women need to learn to run in high heels
Preferably without breaking your ankles or neck.

Make sure your family and friends are actually hidden away safely
This means that no-one else knows where they are. It also means that your loved ones don’t just call someone from the hiding place or pop out to grab their favourite meal.

Assume anyone in a business suit is evil
Self explanatory.

Assume anyone with a shaved head is evil
Ditto, unless they are Bruce Willis.

Be prepared for trouble
All of those hours spent practising martial arts and marksmanship will have paid off. Don’t forget to be able to do all those cool car driving stunts.

Learn how to throw a knife
Any knife, at any distance, with lightning reflexes. Anything less and you may not survive.

And of course, you must always remember to not look at explosions.

Fun Articles, Writing

An ode to squatting

For all the weightlifters out there.

Fun Articles, Humor, Reading

Book to movie

If there is any one thing that Hollywood does well, it is taking terrific books and turning them into terrible movies. When was the last time someone said “Well the movie was better than the book”?

I’ve opined on this issue before: Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher; why movie studios bother with buying a book when they make a movie that doesn’t resemble the book in any way.

And here it is happening again:

Any movie starring Katherine Heigl is always doomed. She ranked in my article on actresses you don’t want in you book adaptation. Clearly Janet Evanovich signed the movie rights before she read my article. So you have to ask what is happening in Hollywood, aside from the hookers and blow?

Clearly the first thing that is happening is the movie rights. Author agents are clearly trying to make some money for their authors so that the author can give up the day job and write more. Sorry, that should read, they want a commission. The movie studio hands over some spare change they have lying around and grab the book. Then they ask a script writer to give them a script, usually in the same amount of time it would take the script writer to actually read the book. So the script writer hands over a script they already have lying around, after changing a few of the character names to match. The studio then launders finds some money from “business associates” to start casting and shooting. The casting agent looks at the budget and sorts through the least desperate actors in the appropriate pay scale, to find the person who least embodies the main characters.

By the time the movie hits cinemas there have only been two people in the entire process who realise the movie is based upon a book, one of whom may have read it. This, of course, doesn’t really matter because the ten people who have read the book that go to see the movie are sitting in a packed cinema with people who don’t read and are generally confused by plots that can’t be explained in a one-to-two sentence monologue from a minor character.

Clearly Hollywood knows what it is doing, I mean, they cast Tom Cruise as Lestat. And authors love getting money from Hollywood, they can actually afford to pay the rent that month. So maybe it is time writers started writing for Hollywood. Oh wait, they already do that….

Fun Articles, Humor

A guide to bigotry in the 21st century

A lot of things have changed in our modern society. I’m writing on the internet, you could be from just about anywhere in the world, and we can all agree that the US government should tactically nuke the Kardashian residence. Bigots are no longer able to say the things they used to be able to. In this modern age they need to know who it is okay to insult.

Former Targets

Racism, sexism and the like are no longer cool. We’ve realised that everyone has the same colour blood, that women and men are two sides of the same coin and that religions are all saying roughly the same thing – hell, Jews, Christians and Muslims worship the same God.

It has to be said that gay people, especially men, still suffer as a target of bigotry. I’ll leave it to Steve Hughes to point out the flaws in the bigot’s statements.

Line Call

Fundamentalist religious kooks

Yes, kooks. Even I can’t help myself. The reality is that there are extremists out there hiding under the banner of religion. It is a pity they are giving religion a bad name, especially with the promotion of anti-science. As a result it is only okay to be bigoted against idiots who are giving religious people a bad name.

New (acceptable) Bigotry Targets

Fat people

Between the double chin and the ability to eat a weeks worth of groceries in one sitting, fat people are one giant target for bigots. There is no end of insults available and doing so only makes them an even bigger target, as they seek comfort snacks. Plus, it is easy to justify the insults out of love and concern for their health. And the laughs.

Racists

It’s about time racists got a taste of their own medicine.

Sexists

This group are so popular that you don’t even have to be a sexist to have been accused of being a sexist. All you have to do is be part of the demographic that used to be sexists a generation ago.

Scientists

Where do scientists get off anyway? They just don’t understand the world like normal people. With all of their study into how the world works, they have lost touch with all the people who don’t know about the world. Snooty bastards!

Politicians

This group have always been a bigotry target and they will remain one of our favourite targets until society dispenses with them for good. Fuck ’em.

Reality TV Stars

If they are going to be attention whores, then at least let the attention be negative. The person who flour-bombed Kim Kardashian recently got their bigotry target right.

People who are sick but come in to work anyway.

You know who you are. We all hope you burn in hell next to the rapists, child molesters and people who talk on the phone in the cinema.

People who talk on the phone in the cinema.

These people rightly deserve every ounce of hate they receive. Hopefully it comes in the form of Terry Tate.

Fun Articles, Humor, Science

Guide to becoming an omnivore

The internet is filled with guides on how to go vegetarian, and increasingly how to go vegan. Of course the reality of these diet changes is that at some stage vegans and vegetarians are going to have to come back to eating meat, as they discover they lack energy, are anemic and their B12 and calcium levels require them to eat real food.

In an effort to help my malnourished friends before their bones shatter, I thought I would put together this quick guide to becoming an omnivore.

It isn’t as easy as just starting to eat real food again. If it were that easy, vegans would be jumping back on a normal diet all the time. The problem is that the human digestive tract changes so that your body doesn’t starve without meat in the diet. As a result it stops making the digestive enzymes that help you digest meat. Changing back to a meat diet would then mean there is a shortfall in pancreatic secretions required to digest the meat in the short-term. The changed flora in the gut would also be affected. The “sick” feeling is just your body getting used to eating properly again.

Step 1:
Go to your local butcher and purchase meat.

Step 2:
Start off small. The longer you have been unhealthy the smaller the amount of meat you want to start eating to become healthy again. Remember, you are restarting your body, so you need to be consistent and gradual so that you can adapt.

Step 3:
Increase the portion of meat in the diet gradually until you are eating normally again. This will take time, as pointed out. The end goal is to avoid all the problems of not eating meat, so stick at it.

Step 4:
Make sure you are still eating your vegetables, they make a great side dish to meat.

Step 5:
Congratulations on becoming normal again. As an omnivore you are now able to keep up with the kids, won’t have the nutrient deficiencies, will be eating complete protein sources with a good balance of amino acids and will have lowered that osteoporosis risk.

FAQ:

How soon should I make the change to eating meat again?
ASAP.

Will I be healthier as an omnivore?
As long as you eat right (meat+vegetables+fruit+cereals = right) without going all Hurley on the food you will be much healthier.

But I heard meat gives you cancer?
And I heard Elvis is still alive. Most foods contain carcinogens, that’s why you are meant to eat a balanced diet and not get fat. All of the studies that claim you will die of cancer from eating meat are lying, as they forgot to mention you also have to be inactive, fat, not eating vegetables, smoking and drinking like a fish as well.

Will I be sexier eating meat?
There is nothing sexy about salad.

But won’t I be hurting animals?
No. Animals like sheep and cattle have been bred for thousands of years to enjoy being your food. They even try to eat as much garnish as possible to make themselves tastier.

But aren’t animals farting too much for the environment?
Animals fart and burp, that’s natural. Digging up coal, oil and gas to burn for energy is damaging the environment. Plus animals are cuter and friendlier than oil executives.

Fun Articles, Humor, Reading

Magazines and Newsletters that never took off

Our local bookstore is actually the newsagent, so you have to walk past the magazines to find the book (yes, not pluralized). I can’t figure out why some of these magazines never took off with readers.

Particle Physics for the Left-Handed Extrovert

A big field, from what I hear.

American Jihardist Today

The contacts and personal pages must get a lot of attention.

Better than your Neighbour’s Home and Gardens

I believe this has been renamed to Better Homes and Gardens.

TV Shows You Missed

Nothing like hearing about the stuff you missed while you were busying doing something important.

At the Movies with Ben Stiller & Adam Sandler

Why are they still allowed to make movies!?

Outdoor Activities for Agoraphobics

The equestrian edition would be very interesting.

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Fun Articles, Humor, Writing

Combating Writer’s Block: Advice by Genre

There is no worse disease for a writer than writer’s block. I’d also say that writer’s block is terrible for readers too, uninspired prose is what we expect from policy and political people, not our entertainment. I’m a fan of Stephen King’s writing advice: set a daily word goal and stay at it until you reach the goal. There is something about daily writing and forcing yourself to write that seems to make things flow.

But Tyson, I hear you say, I’m stuck with no ideas for what to write next. Luckily I was procrastinating whilst writing the other day and came up with a definitive fail safe for each major genre. Any additions are welcome in the comments.

Thriller Writers
When writer’s block strikes kill someone or blow something up.

Crime Writers
When writer’s block strikes describe the main character getting drunk and wallowing in self pity.

Mystery Writers
When writer’s block strikes introduce a red herring.

Romance Writers
When writer’s block strikes introduce new character with rock hard abs.

Literature Writers
When writer’s block strikes describe a tree in intimate detail.

Fantasy Writers
When writer’s block strikes have a talking dragon appear, or have the characters go on a long walk somewhere.

Sci-fi Writers
When writer’s block strikes cut and paste physics article from Wikipedia into your novel.

Horror Writers
When writer’s block strikes cut and paste autopsy reports into your novel.

Paranormal Writers
If you already have vampires, ghosts and werewolves in your novel, introduce ninjas and pirates as characters.

If you are really stuck after all of these ideas, then there is no novel in existence that can’t/couldn’t be improved by the addition of pirates and/or ninjas.

Fun Articles, Humor, Writing

How Many to Screw in a Lightbulb

I thought I would post a little list that gave me a giggle. I’ve only added one to the list, see if you can spot it and my sense of humour.

–Sent by Leon Ogroske, WRITERS’ Journal, www.writersjournal.com

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I can’t tell whether you mean ‘change a light bulb’ or ‘have sex in a light bulb.’ Can we reword it to remove the ambiguity?

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q: How many managing editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It isn’t too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Proofreaders aren’t supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.

Q: How many writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: But why do we have to CHANGE it?

Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, and two to hold down the author.

Q: How many booksellers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, and they’ll be glad to do it too, except no one shipped them any.

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You’ve already screwed in too many light bulbs. Repetition!

Q: How many writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, and they like to give it a good twist at the end.

Q: How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the light bulb has to endure a series of conflicts and challenges before it finally changes.

Q: How many reviewers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just stand back and critique while you do it.

Q: How many netgilantes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Did he use an English word? Must be a writer! Let’s lynch him!!!!

Q: How many reviewers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to tell you why they didn’t like how you did it.

Q: How many Kindleboards authors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, followed by a 12-page, passionately-argued thread about how much the light bulb should cost.

Q: How many forum users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but in the following ten-page discussion, someone will invoke a comparison to Nazis.

Q: How many authors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one but you also need an editor, proof reader, cover artist, and an agent to be there at the same time.

Fun Articles, Humor, Reading

E-readers are filled with garbage?

An article in The Guardian on Sunday suggested that garbage, which they defined as genre fiction, was the big seller on Kindles and e-readers. See article here.

Prepare for the irony.

Okay, irony aside, The Guardian has published a number of articles extolling the inferiority of e-readers and e-books. For example, they deride romance and erotica as genres, yet they have always sold well. They deride horror, yet Steven King has been a bestselling author for 40 years. Excuse my cherry picking, but I can’t be bothered digging out my stats sheets to bury this argument further.

For years the literary fiction and biography markets have been kept afloat by the gift and commuter sales. Commuters can’t be seen to be reading anything other than high art or an intriguing insight into some mundane public figure, whose only claim to fame was being able to stand in front of a camera at the right moments. Similarly the books people received as gifts were always some intellectual boorish bunk posing as entertainment.

Now commuters don’t have to have the cover of their book on display and are free to read what they actually enjoy reading. Gift givers are wising up and going to wishlists and giving download vouchers. This isn’t just the end of snobbery, it is the start of truly great works of fiction.

Fun Articles, Humor

Things they don’t tell you about air travel

Whenever I’m on a plane it is about the only time I’m sorry that I live remotely to the most isolated capital city in the world. People complain about the long haul flights to various destinations, well I had to catch a long haul just to get to the long haul connection. It gives you a lot of time to think about the realities of air travel.

1) If things get really bad, the pilots have ejector seats.
They may be called ‘captains’, but they have no intention of going down with the ship.

2) Unless you are Ralph Fiennes or Tiger Woods you aren’t nailing a flight attendant.
Lets face it, flight attendants have standards.

3) First class is a myth. They wouldn’t be seen on the same plane as ordinary people.
Rich people are afraid they might catch poor.

4) If you see gremlins on the wing, you have been lucky and received the non-watered down alcohol.
Keep drinking, you might see Elvis and Hendrix.

5) Yes, the seats are deliberately designed for people smaller than you.
Airplane designers were assured that no-one over 180cm and 70 kilos would ever go anywhere.

6) The bookings system takes into account claustrophobia in the seating assignments.
They immediately assign the claustrophobics to seats between the largest people on the flight.

7) People with a fear of flying are catered for.
Their in flight movies are ‘Airplane’ and ‘Alive’, plus they are spared from all the turbulence warnings. Comes as a real surprise.

    Fun Articles, Humor

    Top 5 people you didn’t know you were allowed to kill

    1) Kyle Sandilands.

    There is a small caveat in Australian law that allows for “the permanent removal of fuckwits from the Australian population, through any means deemed necessary, to enable the genepool of our island nation to not be tainted for future generations.”

    For my non-Aussie friends, Kyle Sandilands is like Rush Linbugh or Glenn Beck, except without the political bent.

    2) Politicians.

    Okay, don’t get too excited here. There are certain times, places and manners in which it is perfectly legal to kill politicians. The first point is that they have to be shot. The second point is that it has to be done in broad daylight, between the hours of 10am and 3pm. My American friends will know where politicians are allowed to be shot, having experienced it themselves – whilst riding in, or alighting from, a car, or attending the theater.

    It is not just a coincidence that the president of the United States rides in a heavily armoured vehicle everywhere. It is also well known that politicians have their own staff car provided for them. They know the rules and are trying to make sure they are protected in that car. The third, and final, point is that you have to be shot too.

    Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

    3) Stupid people.

    This one is a bit tenuous. It isn’t completely legal to kill stupid people, but it is generally deemed not your fault if a stupid person dies as a result of your actions. Stupid people are regarded as being ‘temporary people’ and are a self correcting societal entity. Thus it is only a matter of time before they die and it wasn’t really your fault if they did.

    4) Religious people.

    This group are not like any of the others on the list. Religious people want to be killed so that they can get to heaven faster. The most devout – TV evangelists, people who solicit money for their faith, door knockers – are deliberately trying to annoy the rest of us into killing them. This serves a two-fold purpose in their minds eye. First it sends them to their heaven early, secondly it sends us to hell; keeping ‘the unworthy’ away from them for eternity.

    5) Anyone wearing a backwards hat or pants that expose their underwear.

    Self explanatory really. These people are just moving, 3D, shooting targets. Remember, you lose points if you miss the target or hit anything other than these targets.

    Book review, Fun Articles, Reading, Writing

    Tyson Adams’ 2011 Book Awards: The Awesomes

    I’ve read a few books this year (+140) and have decided that I needed to talk about my favourites of 2011.  I also thought it fair to award my favourite reads of the year an Awesomeâ„¢.

    As you will have noticed, my reviews of books are more about my impressions of the book and talking about how much I liked the book, rather than a recap of the plot, etc. My reasoning behind this is simple, I want to say “read this book” to people rather than fall into my bad habit of spoiling the ending.

    My list is based upon what I have read this year, so obviously some great books (Snuff) have missed out due to lack of reading hours in the year. Also my read list does include some books that were published prior to 2011. There were some categories that were sadly under-represented and some that had some very intense competition.

    Also, the fact that I finished a book shows that it was worth reading. I have my reading rules that stop me wasting valuable reading time on books I’m not enjoying. This means that any books on my read list are entertaining (well, unless I was particularly disgusted with the crappiness of the book in question).

    Awesome of 2011

    10 hours of non-stop reading fun, 12 if you count meal and toilet breaks. I could not put this book down, it had me enthralled with Reilly’s fast paced thrills and explosions. This books defines The Awesomes.
    Also, I would like to extend my condolences to Matthew and his friends and family on the loss of his wife Natalie.

    Awesome Literary Fiction
    There were no nominees in this category this year. Better luck next year.
    Awesome Mystery & Thriller
    This is one of two heavily over-represented categories in this year’s Awesomes. 
    Awesome Crime

    Blood Work – Michael Connelly
    13 Hours – Deon Meyer (technically I started it in 2011, but only finished it this year)



    Awesome Fantasy
    There were no nominees in this category this year. Better luck next year.
    Awesome Paranormal Fantasy
    There were no nominees in this category this year. Better luck next year.
    Awesome Science Fiction

    Peace Army – Steven L Hawk



    Awesome Horror

    Dead Man Series – Lee Goldberg, Will Rabkin, et al.



    Awesome Romance
    There were no nominees in this category this year. Better luck next year.
    Awesome Humor
    Right What You No – Tyson Adams’ blog
    I’m allowed to be self-congratulatory. Plus I didn’t read any funny books this year.
    Awesome Nonfiction
    This is an oxymoron, so it is invalidated as a category. Having said that I did read several nonfiction books this year, mostly on climate change. I should make mention of On Writing by Steven King, which really had me agreeing with Steven’s insights.
    Awesome Graphic Novels & Comics

    The Boys – Garth Ennis

    This is the second over-represented category on my list. 


    Awesome Indie

    Awesome Poetry
    Rime of the Ancient Mariner – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    Fun Articles, Humor

    In honor of the Xmas season

    Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk:
    Cinnamon
    Indubitably
    Innovative
    Preliminary
    Proliferation

    Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk:
    British Constitution
    Loquacious Transubstantiate
    Passive-aggressive Disorder
    Specificity

    Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’re drunk:
    Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
    Nope, no more alcohol for me.
    Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
    Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight?
    Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.
    You’re right, I can’t jump over that table.